3 minute management course
Lesson
1/5
A man is getting into the shower as his wife is getting out, when the
doorbell rings. She quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
She opens the door to Fred, the next door neighbor. Before she says a
word, Fred says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel." After
thinking for a moment, she drops it and stands naked in front of Fred.
After a few seconds, Fred hands her $800 and leaves.
Wrapping herself in the towel as she gets to the bathroom, her husband
asks: "Who was that?"
"It was Fred the next door neighbor" she replies.
"Great!" the husband says, "did he say anything about the
$800 he owes me?"
Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your
shareholders (and Management team), in time, you may be in a position to
prevent avoidable exposure.
_______________________________________________________
Lesson 2/5
A priest offered a nun a lift. As she sat in the car, she could not help
but reveal a leg. The priest nearly had an accident. After
controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg. The nun said,
"Father, remember Psalm 129?" He removed his hand. But, changing
gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said,
"Father, remember Psalm 129?" The priest apologized;
"Sorry sister but the flesh is weak".
Arriving at the convent, the nun went on her way.
On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It
said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Moral of the story:
If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great
opportunity.
_____________________________________________________________
Lesson 3/5
A sales rep, an administration clerk and their manager are walking to
lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie pops out.
The Genie says, "I'll give each of you just one wish".
"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be
in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world".
Puff! She's gone.
"Me next! Me next!" says the sales rep. "I want to be in
Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply
of
Piña Coladas and the love of my life". Puff! He's gone.
"OK, you're up", the Genie says to the manager.
The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after
lunch".
Moral of the story:
Always let your boss have the first say.
_______________________________________________________________
Lesson 4/5
An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing. A small rabbit saw
the eagle and asked him, "Can I also sit like you and do
nothing?"
The eagle answered: "Sure, why not." So, the rabbit sat on the
ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped
on the rabbit and ate it.
Moral of the story:
To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high
up.
________________________________________________________________
Lesson 5/5
A turkey was chatting with a bull. "I would love to be able to get to
the top of that tree," sighed the turkey, "but I haven't got the
energy."
Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?" replied the
bull. "They're packed with nutrients."
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough
strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree. The next day, after eating
some more dung, he reached the second branch. Finally, after a fourth
night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of
the tree. He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the
tree.
Moral of the story:
Bull**** might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
This ends the 3-minute management course - now get back to
work.